F-f-feelings
by Ka.Ra.Ea
Summary: Written for the prompt "Derek professes his undying love to someone (casey) but they take it as a joke/prank."
1. Chapter 1

Written for the prompt "Derek professes his undying love to someone (I was thinking casey but it could be emily or who ever) but they take it as a joke/prank." by SakurInTheWind.

Disclaimer: Life With Derek doesn't belong to me :(

* * *

"Casey I..." He stopped and looked in the mirror. "Case I have..." He started over. "Princess... Crap!" He stood up and grasped his aching head. How the hell was he meant to say it to her if he couldn't even say it to himself? He tried again. "Casey I have f-f-f..." Nearly there. "F-f-feelings... For you." He breathed out. Now if he could only manage it without the stammering; there was no way he was embarrassing himself more than he needed to.

He thought back to his conversation with Sally earlier and how she had reacted when he refused a make-out session to wait and watch Casey freak out over the skirt he'd sabotaged. It had been way too short.

She'd pouted and demanded to know if he really loved her. And what was he meant to say to that, really? And anyway, who asks that after only... He cringed as he realised he'd forgotten how long they'd been together. Was she really expecting him, Derek Venturi, to have a sissy chat about how he felt about her? Well, too bad 'cause he didn't do that, and he thought she knew that.

The only reason he was practising saying it to Casey was because... Well, because. And he wasn't planning on saying he loved her. He wasn't even sure he was going to go through with it.

Sally had told him that if he couldn't say he loved her then that was it. He'd said okay. He hadn't meant to, but at the precise moment Casey had screamed his name, obviously having found the skirt.

Sally had been angry. Very angry. _Is that all you're going to say? Just okay?_ Her words still rang in his memory. He'd apologised and told her he'd just been distracted by Casey. And that's when it had happened. _If Casey is so damn distracting from your own girlfriend then maybe you should go out with her instead._ She'd meant it sarcastically, expecting a quick laugh and for him to back down and say he loved her. She hadn't been too impressed when he'd stayed silent. She'd told him then that she was leaving and not to call her. And he hadn't.

He dropped onto his bed. He'd always known he felt something for Casey, of course he had! But he convinced himself that she was more trouble than she was worth and that they were too opposite to make each other happy. That she was too much of a pain in the ass. Not to mention, the idea of telling her had him running for the hills, metaphorically speaking. But after what happened with Sally, the only girl he'd ever really seen any kind of future with, he'd known he wouldn't be able to get her out of his head and that the stupid lump of muscle in his chest which he wished didn't exist wouldn't let him have anything with anyone else. It was Casey or no one. And hey, maybe if he told her then he could either take the rejection and move on, or get her the hell out of his system.

His door swung open.

"I heard about what happened with Sally, wanna talk about it?" Casey asked sympathetically.

He looked at her like she was from another planet; whether in the out of this world sense or the crazy sense was open to interpretation.

"Fine, I'll get out of your room and leave you to your self-destructive internalizing. Don't come to me when you crack and cause yourself a mental break down." She stormed back out.

He sighed and let his head return to its place on the bed. This wasn't going to be easy.

"So, D-Rock's rehearsing tonight, you guys gonna be around?" He asked his assembled family as they ate dinner. He was really only interested in one person's answer but he wasn't going to single her out like that. Not yet.

Everyone said they were free and would love to sit in apart from Marti, who sulked because she was visiting their Mom that night, and Casey who complained that yet again he hadn't asked her to rejoin the band.

"Chilz, it's just a small rehearsal session. We wanted to test out some cover songs and stuff, and we need an audience." He avoided her eyes.

"What songs?" She demanded to know.

"Just some stuff we like." He evaded.

"Like what?"

"Like stuff!" He responded, exasperated.

"So who's singing? Is it Sally?" Her voice was bitter. "What, you got her back by letting her replace me?"

"No! It's me, I'm singing!" He regretted telling her as soon as the words left his mouth.

She snorted. "Yeah right."

"Casey..." Nora warned.

"What? He can't sing, it's a well established fact." Casey looked him up and down with derision. "He wouldn't even sing that song he wrote to Sally."

"I've been practising!" He defended. And he had. After that incident on open mic night Sally had insisted on giving him singing lessons so next time he could actually sing to her himself.

"Contrary to popular belief, practise does not always make perfect." Casey shot back.

He could feel his anger rising. "And you'd know all about that, wouldn't you Princess? Remind me, how much practice did it take for you to fail at making friends?"

"Derek..." His dad's tone matched Nora's.

"I have plenty of friends!" Casey pretty much yelled.

"Name five. And ex boyfriends don't count." He challenged.

"Emily, Lucy, Noel, Ralph-"

"Ralph is my friend!"

"So?"

"So stick to your own damn friends!"

"He's my friend too!"

"Enough!" George nearly shouted. "Derek, apologise to Casey."

Derek sneered. "I'm sorry you have no friends, Case."

"Der-ek!"

He just glowered at her. He was seriously reconsidering telling her in any way, shape or form.

The practice session was just phase one, to get her all romanced up, because the band was pretty much as romantic as he got. Aside from that utterly humiliating mental episode when he'd convinced himself to try so he could go out with Sally.

He sang every romantic song he could that didn't stick in his throat and leave him wanting to watch hours of sports to restore his testosterone levels (which admittedly wasn't many), but he had a feeling it backfired when Casey asked if he was planning on singing them at Smelly Nellie's any time soon. She said it with this pitying, knowing smile on her face that made him frustrated because it was so obviously aimed at his recent break-up. She thought he was practicing to win Sally back.

On to phase two. A subtle change in his teasing. At least he hoped he could pull off subtle. And he sure as hell hoped this wouldn't backfire, 'cause it was pretty much as far as he'd got in the whole planning thing.

His opportunity came next time she told him it was his turn to do the dishes. With a careful measure of sarcasm, he replied, "Yes dear."

If anyone found it odd they didn't say anything. Casey looked sharply at him, blinked, then looked away, as if shaking off a confusing thought.

He smirked. So far so good.

After that he took every opportunity to call her 'dear' or 'darling' in a sarcastic tone whenever she told him to do one of his chores or anything similarly domestic. After the third time she just got that annoyed look on her face that she always got when he called her by the nicknames he had for her. It seemed that it hadn't struck her that he was calling her typically marital nicknames when they did things typical married couples do. He wasn't saying he wanted to marry her; come on, a part of him was still hoping for a quick get it out of the system or a sharp but freeing rejection. Even the part of him that wanted more got a little freaked at the prospect of tying himself to his clumsy little neat-freak forever. But he was trying to reaffirm something that most of the family seemed to have forgotten; that she was _not_ his sister. That they were more like an old married couple than bickering siblings.

But no; clever Casey decided to remain stupid and stubborn.

He was working the end shift at Smelly Nellie's when it happened.

Sally approached him. After a week of avoiding him, she came over and decided to 'forgive' him, just naturally assuming he'd crawl back to her once she broke the ice.

He honestly wanted to know what had given her the impression that he wanted her back, so he asked her. It was a dickish thing to ask, but he asked. Better than doing it twice, whatever it was he'd done.

She looked confused at that; she had expected him to answer with 'I'm sorry' or 'thank you'. But then she should have known better. "Casey said you've been moping all week, acting wierd and singing love songs." She explained.

Derek didn't know whether to be more amused or angry. That Casey had mistaken the effects of his f-f-feelings for her as f-f-feelings for Sally and convinced Sally to take him back held a bitter irony that he appreciated; but then having the object of his... whatever sabotage his attempts at charming her by setting him up with his ex was so... So typical of Casey.

He just about managed an 'I think it's best we go back to being friends' speech before storming out of the restaurant and driving home.

He found her dancing in her room, and even with his frustration he took a moment to watch her move. Damn, that girl could move her hips. Then he snapped his eyes back into a glare. "What the hell did you tell Sally?"

"Der-ek! Knock before you come barging into my room!"

"You do it to me all the time! Now answer the question, 'cause she seemed to be under the impression I wanted her back!" His face was furious, brooking no argument.

"And? You've been sulking since the day she dumped your sorry butt." She glared challengingly.

"So you did talk to her!" He hadn't really doubted it, but she had to admit it before he could properly yell at her for it.

"Yeah, I did. Because you know what? In spite of my better judgement I actually care when you're upset. And don't you deny that you were! Someone had to do something before your masochistic stubbornness got out of hand." She jutted her chin up and silently dared him to be mad at her. Well, he was never one to back down from a dare.

"Why can't you just mind your own business?" He shouted.

"Excuse me?" She said, incredulity and anger vying for place in her voice.

"I don't want Sally back, okay? I was actually kinda relieved we broke up, and that I wasn't the one doing the dumping for once. But no, perfect little Casey can't leave well alone, so I had to face Sally today and and turn her down. Something I wouldn't have had to do if you'd let me live my own God damn life!" He ranted, watching the shock and slight guilt appear on Casey's face before she layered them under fury.

"And maybe if you talked to me when I asked if you were ok then I wouldn't have needed to intervene! Don't try laying this on me when it's your own refusal to let anyone in that landed you here; I was just trying to help!"

They were both silent for a moment, glowering and fighting back the hurtful things they would feel too bad about if they said.

Casey shifted, breathing out and trying to calm down. "So if you didn't want her back then why were you upset?"

He had watched with interest as her body relaxed, and now felt his own go tenser than it already had been. "I wasn't upset."

She snorted. "Yeah, right. You've had so many mood swings, my PMS is thrown."

"PM what now?" He asked confusedly.

"PMS. Pre-Menstrual-Syndrome." She explained with an eye roll.

"I knew you had some kind of syndrome." He muttered angrily.

"Why can't you just tell me what's wrong for a change?" Her exasperation bled through into her face and voice, making him feel guilty for like a tenth of a second.

"Why should I? It's got nothing to do-" The lie caught in his throat, something that very rarely happened to him.

"Just tell me! Is it hockey? School? Did you have a fight with Sam? What is it?"She badgered.

"Just leave it alone!" He was on the verge of begging; he wasn't ready to tell her yet.

"No!"

"You really wanna know?" He stepped forward and she took an involuntary step back.

"Yes!" She pulled herself up straighter to compensate for the step.

"It's you. I'm in l-love with you." He said as calmly as possible, hoping that his slight stumble on the 'L' word had gone unnoticed. He was hoping he could shock into silence. Actually, he wasn't really sure what he was hoping; he'd made the decision to tell her too quickly to think about it. But he knew he wasn't expecting the unamused glare she shot at him.

"Seriously Derek, what's wrong?" She'd folded her arms when he'd revealed his secret, something he found inexplicably hot.

He licked his lips. "I told you, I'm in... You know." It was hard enough to say the first time, a second time was pushing it too far.

"Fine, I get it. It's none of my business. Who am I to question the mighty Derek Venturi?" She said dramatically, sarcasm dripping from her every syllable. "Just stop moping and get over it, whatever it is. I'm sick of seeing your sorry face sulking all the time." She stormed past him and held the door, a clear indication for him to leave.

It was with great confusion that he headed back to his room. Well, that hadn't gone how he'd expected.


	2. Chapter 2

Not really sure how this one turned out, but hopefully not too bad. Let me know any suggestions for what happens next 'cause I'm a teeny bit stuck. :)

Disclaimer: Nope, Derek is all Daphne's. Selfish so-and-so.

* * *

Derek leaned back in his ridiculously large office chair and stared at his bedroom door. He was still a little in shock, truth be told. He'd meant to tell her he had feelings for her, not that he was in _love_ with her. And she was meant to call him a jerk or a cad or any of the other choice insults she loved to yell at him, but then she was meant to give in and agree to go out. They'd argue over who was paying and where they went and whether to tell their parents, but it'd all work out in the end.

But instead he'd blurted out those words (and isn't it funny how having said 'love', 'feelings' seemed suddenly so much easier to say), and she hadn't even given him a fiery rejection. Hadn't believed him. Thought he would say something like that as a _joke_. As if he would fight his tongue's refusal to accept that he had a heart just to mess her around.

What was he even meant to do now? She'd neither rejected or accepted him, so he couldn't put it out of his head. But if the mere fact of those words passing his lips hadn't been enough to convince her how was he going to prove... He cut off that thought trail. He wasn't going to be her stupid Ivanhoe. She'd already had one of those and look where it had led. He did think the prick should have at least fought to keep her if he actually wanted her, but in fairness he hadn't known anything about Casey's identity crisis, and she had decided to just spring it on him that she needed some space right after a big game. Talk about a day ruiner.

Maybe consistency would do it? Maybe if everyone knew someone else would convince her? But then, what if no one else believed him either?

He groaned. Why did this have to happen to him? What he ever do to deserve to fall for _Casey McDonlald_ of all people? He'd have almost preferred to be gay, or fall for Emily... He gave a brief shudder at the thought of his overenthusiastic stalker. Nice girl and all, but he could really do with someone who wasn't so obsessive. He laughed at himself for that thought because who on earth would say Casey wasn't just as obsessive, if not more, than Emily? There was a reason the two were friends after all.

Not long into his musings, he was called down to dinner. At the table. With the family. That just happened to include Casey. If he wasn't Derek he would have just stayed right where he was, but unfortunately his stomach still had way more say than his heart and brain combined. He was down and sat at the table before his annoyingly hot step-sister had even left her room.

"So, how'd it go at work today?" His step-mother asked while his fork was halfway to his mouth (no way was he waiting for miss prissy pants to come downstairs before he could eat).

He rammed in the laden fork and mumbled something indistinct that may have had the word 'cool' in it and may have had the work 'not' in it. Nora would never be able to tell.

She looked a little torn between disgust and curiosity and Derek began to get a bad feeling about where this was going. "Today was one of Sally's shifts, right?" She asked, probably trying for nonchalance.

And just like that, like she was freakin' waiting for it, Casey was at the table. "Yeah, although I don't think asking him about it will get you anywhere." She answered for him.

He glowered at her and stuffed his face again before he'd even finished with the previous mouthful. Just to make a point.

Nora looked askance at her daughter.

"Someone doesn't like facing up to his real feelings," Casey started, and he could have laughed at that, he really could, if he wasn't too busy trying to burn a hole in her face with his eyes. "He'd rather mess around a girl he might really care for than just try and be serious for once."

"I told you, I don't feel that way about Sally!" He felt very proud of himself for not even flinching at the 'f' word.

"Oh yeah. 'Cause not feeling something for Sally is what's had you moping around so much that even George noticed!" She shot back, before looking guiltily at her step-father. "No offence George."

"None taken." George muttered undecidedly.

"I already told you what that was about," He started, not intending to tell anyone else, but feeling the need to point out that he wasn't the one in denial about his feelings.

She snorted. "Like I'm gonna buy that line of bull."

He clenched his jaw and stabbed viciously at the food on his plate. "And you wonder why I don't confide in you more often." He said in a mockingly sweet tone, with just enough bite to it.

"Okay, what's going on here?" George asked.

Casey glared at Derek, daring him to tell them. "Ask your son."

The whole table turned to look at him and he took a breath. That many pairs of eyes should not be watching him while he made an idiot out of himself. "If you're so sure it isn't true then it doesn't really matter, does it?" He told her.

"And if it doesn't really matter then there's no harm in telling the family, is there?" She spat back defiantly. When he didn't answer she turned her gaze on their family at large. "Derek's new favourite past time is apparently telling people he loves them."

Five pairs of confused eyes turned on her.

She shrank back a little. "Okay, so it sounds stupid when said like that, but it's true! I asked him why he was upset if it wasn't to do with Sally, and he said it was because he loved me!"

"Way to go keeping it quiet, Case." He mumbled threateningly.

"I wasn't aware it was a secret."

"Kinda implied." He stabbed his food again.

"Derek loves Casey?" Marti chirped excitedly.

"No, Marti, Derek said that to make fun of me so I wouldn't keep asking him about Sally." Casey replied patronizingly.

Derek scowled. "No, Derek said that because he _thought_ Casey might leave him alone if she knew why he was... Acting weird." Lies. He had hoped she would reciprocate... A little anyway, he wasn't sure he could handle her full on in love; her crushes were bad enough.

"Maybe Casey would have if Derek was telling the truth!" Casey's tone was biting and caused him to wonder why she was quite so upset.

"All right guys, enough." Nora cut in before voices could be raised or Derek's plate got smashed by his increasingly vicious attempts at mutilating his food. "Derek, why would you say something like that to Casey?"

Derek was too annoyed at another person not believing him to answer and instead sat in stony silence.

Nora sighed wearily and turned to her daughter. "Casey, sweetie, you know Derek doesn't talk about feelings, if you didn't want him to tease you then maybe you shouldn't have forced the issue."

"But Mom-" Casey started to whine in her that's-so-not-fair voice.

"Casey," Nora warned, and her daughter thankfully shut up. She turned back to her step-son. "I know you don't like it when she pries into your business, but she was only trying to help. Maybe you should apologize."

"What?!" He all but yelled indignantly, "What for?"

"For lying and being a jerk, jackass!" Casey answered for her mother.

"Casey!" Nora admonished.

"What makes you so damned sure I'm lying?!" This time he did shout; he'd had enough of all this and there was no way he was apologizing for saying how he felt.

"Oh, come on! Derek Venturi in love with his keener, klutzilla step-sister? I know you have a low opinion of me, but I'm not that gullible!" She replied, like it was obvious and he was being purposely dense.

That was the final straw. He slid back his chair with a loud scrape and stormed from the room, getting halfway before he turned back to grab his plate; he wasn't about to leave perfectly good food behind.

He stomped up the stairs with as much force as he could muster and pushed the door shut behind him with a slam that made the surrounding floor and wall vibrate.

School the next day was awful. Dozens of girls surrounding him with sympathy over his break up (how did they even know about that?!) and he couldn't take any of them up on their offers of 'comfort' because a certain step-sister was hanging around in revenge, with her girly 'he's going to need some time to move on' comments that effectively told his potential dates to get lost.

Eventually it got too much, and if only to send Casey away in a stuttering rage, he replied to a pretty blonde's question of what went wrong, with, "Sally found out I was in love with someone else, and after that there wasn't much to be said.

The girls eyes went wide and round. "Who were you in love with?"

He sighed dramatically, feeling Casey's death glare on him. "Casey McDonald. But she doesn't feel the same way; she just made fun of me for it and got mad at me for telling her." He could practically feel the hole being burned into the side of his head, and he had to suppress a bitter smile.

"She got mad at you?!" The girl asked incredulously, a look of extreme sympathy on her face.

He shrugged dejectedly, something which took rather less acting than he liked. "I guess she thinks she's too good for me or something."

By the following day, the rumour that Derek Venturi was in love with his step-sister, who was decidedly being a bitch about it, had spread through the entire school. He wasn't sure whether this was a good thing or not. On the one hand, it meant it would be more likely that she'd believe him at last, and there was the fact that nearly the whole female student body was all over him in sympathy (not that they weren't already all over him, but before they expected something out of it; now that he was in love with someone else they were all eager to be the shoulder he cried on, making them easier than ever before); but on the other hand it meant that Casey hadn't talked to him for twenty-three hours and counting, and the male faculty were being more assholey than usual being that they thought it was another ploy to get laid (which, why on earth didn't he think of this one _before_ he fell in love with his step-sister?). And then there were the haters.

He got approached by no less than seven people throughout the day who promptly told him that he was a disgusting, incestuous freak. His eloquent response was to flip them the bird and walk away. Unfortunately, the last two were male. He had no problems hitting people of the male gender.

He was suspended.

His dad was less than enthusiastic about this.

"What were you thinking?" George asked, in that tone that only came out when Derek had well and truly messed up. "This could have got you expelled! You might still be kicked off the hockey team! Did you even think about that?"

Derek shifted uncomfortably. In truth he hadn't thought about that. He really hoped he wouldn't be kicked off the team. However he still couldn't quite bring himself to regret his actions.

"Look, I know this whole business with Sally has been difficult-" His father started on a slightly less angry note.

"Will people stop assuming that this is anything to do with Sally! She broke up with me, I didn't care, she tried to make up, I said no! End of story!" He blurted. He would be glad to never hear the name Sally again after all of this.

"Then what is it to do with, Derek?" His dad dragged a hand over his eyes and dropped his shoulders in a universal gesture of I'm-too-old-for-this.

"I thought the principal told you?" Derek asked bitterly.

George met his son's eyes for a moment. "He said it was something to do with Casey."

Derek nodded, not particularly wanting to go into detail.

A huge sigh from the senior Venturi. "Derek, this is serious. When it was just to wind Casey up it wasn't so bad; it wasn't good, but it wasn't any real cause for concern. But if you're getting into fights about it, then don't you think it's about time you drop it?"

"I can't help the way I feel, Dad!" Yeah, so much easier to say that word these days. "And they were jerks, they had it coming."

"After all of this, after years of fights and pranks and schemes, you really expect us to believe that?" George conveniently skipped over the part about them being jerks who had it coming.

"Why the hell not? Truman's more of an ass than I am and everyone seems convinced he likes her." The second sentence came out as more of a mumble.

"Because, Derek, only twelve year olds treat girls they like, like that. I've seen how good you are with the ladies, and there's just no way." His dad explained patiently.

"And how exactly would you suggest I 'romance' Casey?" Derek said dryly. "After how I've treated her these past couple of years, how would you say I should turn it around?"

George fumbled for a moment before deciding not to attempt to answer that. "If you really felt that way about her then you wouldn't have treated her that way in the first place." He said instead.

"That's because I didn't at first!" Derek protested. He had found her hot, but that's not the same thing, especially when she was such a keener.

"So you're telling me you slowly fell in love with her personality? Come one Derek, that's not you."

Derek had to admit, his dad had a point. But hey, falling in love at all wasn't him, so it was kind of a moot point. "I'm done talking about this." He stood up to leave the room.

"Derek! You will sit down and talk to me until I tell you, you can go!" George said sternly.

He sighed and sat down, wondering how long he was grounded for this time.


	3. Chapter 3

I know, I know it's been awhile. I believe I mentioned on my other fics that my internet was down. But here you go, it's on again now so I've updated. :)

Disclaimer: Derek is very fun to write (especially when he's being a dick) but I don't own him or his show.

* * *

Two months. Well, George would probably forget and Derek would be a free man by the end of two weeks and his suspension would end in three. It could have been worse.

However, the boys he had hit happened to have a big friend. Big like BIG. Thus Derek had no intention of sneaking out until it had all blown over.

And he was suspended from the hockey team. Indefinitely.

He was just grateful he hadn't been cut from the team permanently. Hockey was the only thing he had going for him; it was his passion, his hobby and his only real chance at a college education. Sure, there were other things he liked doing, but half assed documentaries about his step-sister (because let's face it, when was the last time he'd filmed anything else?) and charisma weren't going to get him an acceptance letter.

He breathed out and stared at his bedroom wall. Two weeks of nothing. What the hell was he meant to do with that?

With the knowledge that Casey was doing homework on the other side of the wall, he sat in his office chair and threw a baseball at the wall, catching it as it bounced back and throwing again in a repetitive fashion. Hopefully the thumping would echo around her room enough to distract her from her homework.

As he threw he pictured her flinching and wincing a little with each impact, her eyebrows coming together as she tried to concentrate on her work, her lips pouting out in annoyance and her foot tapping rapidly. His own mouth pulled into a grin at the image. Right about now she would be standing up and walking over to her stereo... And there came the first notes of the loud pop song she had at the ready specifically to drown out whatever stupid noise he would make.

He threw harder.

She turned the volume up a notch. He knew she wouldn't go any higher at the risk of parental interference, and also for fear of defeating the object; she was trying to drown him out so she could do homework, drowning out her own thoughts would be counterproductive.

He scooted the chair closer for better impact and reached out to his hand to his computer to turn on his own music on the way past. The first strains of The Buzzcocks 'Ever Fallen In Love' blared out, part of his latest retro phase (lack of allowance combined with boredom; it was cheaper to put his dad's old music on his PC than it was to buy new stuff. Some of it wasn't half bad). Perfect. He turned the volume up to full, hoping she'd hear the lyrics.

_Your spurn my natural emotions,_

_You make me feel like dirt,_

_And I'm hurt..._

He threw the ball so hard it caused plaster to fall to in a white cloud over his pillow.

_Ever fallen in love with someone,_

_Ever fallen in love, in love with someone,_

_Ever fallen in love,_

_In love with someone you shouldn't've fallen in love with..._

The ball hit on the wall on the words 'ever' and 'someone', stinging his hand with the force it flew back with until it came at his head and he ducked out of the way; the ball flying past him to smash into the coffee mug that was sat on his desk.

"Shit!" He leapt up and grabbed a shirt from the floor, tossing it over the spreading liquid on his desk before it could reach the electrical stuff. He turned off the music and sat back in his chair, glowering at the wall.

She should have broken already and be pounding at his door.

He considered going downstairs for a sandwich and instead yelled for his brother. He'd hear him if he knew what was good for him.

A few seconds and there were running footsteps to his door, before it was flung open.

"You called?" Edwin said with a nervous smile that said he knew he'd taken too long.

"Sandwich." Derek barked. "And chips." He added after a thoughtful pause.

"Want a drink with that?" Edwin chirped in tentative relief.

Derek nodded and Edwin disappeared towards the stairs.

He waited.

"Here you go." Edwin's voice carried into the room as he opened the door with his foot, precariously balancing a plate, a share sized bag of chips and a large glass of something carbonated as he entered. He walked across the room like he was walking a tightrope, carefully stepping over the clothes, sports equipment and other miscellaneous junk on Derek's floor, and set down the snacks and drink on the desk. "Is that all?" He paused and waited like a servant, though his eyes darted to the door as though he had something he wanted to rush back to.

Derek sat silent for a moment, as if contemplating whether there was anything else he wanted. Edwin fidgeted. Derek reached a decision. "Get Lizzie."

Edwin's eyes widened. "Why?"

"I want to talk to her." Derek replied in a you-dare-to-question-me tone.

"I don't think-"

Derek held up a hand and his younger brother fell silent. "I didn't ask what you think." He made a shooing motion and Edwin left to do as he was told.

Derek tried to quell his agitation by editing one of his latest videos (one Casey McDonald trying to flirt with a mouth covered in plaque detecting dye that he'd told her was candy) while he waited for the youngest McDonald sister to make her appearance.

"I assume this has something to do with my sister?"

Derek looked up from his screen at the unimpressed girl stood in the doorway. "You assume correctly."

"So what is it you wanted?" Lizzie asked, business-like.

"Why won't she talk to me?" He demanded.

"Because you're being a jerk." Lizzie responded promptly.

"This isn't because of..." He gestured vaguely, "Is it?"

"Of course it is. Do you know what a rough time she's having at school now because of you?" She made her way further into the room. "The girls mostly hate her for supposedly breaking your heart, and the guys are split into camps of those who avoid her like the plague to stay in your good graces, and those who want to get in her pants to get one over on you. She's barely had a moments peace since you made your little announcement."

Derek smirked to cover his feelings of unease. He'd had no idea about any of that. "She does know that all it would take for it to stop is to go out with me, right?" He really hoped he was right that that wouldn't make her say yes. He didn't think his ego could take it if she dated him due to peer pressure.

Lizzie rolled her eyes. "Have you thought about her feelings at all?"

"Yes." And he had; although apparently not with enough attention to detail. "Has she stopped to think about mine?"

Lizzie looked momentarily surprised, then recovered. "Derek, you're not fooling us. We all know she drives you insane, we're not stupid enough to believe you find her endearing all of a sudden. She's pretty, but she's also mouthy."

Derek glared at his little step-sister. "I never said I find her endearing. I'm not a girl all of a sudden. I said I'm in love with her. There's a difference."

"How can you be in love with someone if you don't even like them?" She asked like she was talking to a little kid.

"What the hell would you know about love? You don't have to like someone to love them; you don't get a choice. A little naked baby with a bow and arrow doesn't come down and say 'hey, would you like to fall for the blonde in the corner or the keener in the room next door'." Derek babbled in frustration. "I don't know how it happened, but it did, okay?"

Lizzie looked wary, on the verge of believing him, but knowing him too well to just accept it. "Have you thought about showing her you love her?"

He snorted. "If she's gonna go out with me, she's gonna go out with _me_, not some pushover who does everything she wants that she'll only get bored of in a week anyway. I'm not going to go around _proving _myself to her, like who I am isn't good enough, or what's the point?"

"So you thought about it then." She smiled amusedly.

"Yeah, I thought about it, and no, I won't do it." He repeated.

"What if we thought of a way to show her your way? Like show her you _are_ good enough, rather than that you can change?" She said slowly.

His eyes narrowed. "We?"

"Me, you and the rest of team McDonald-Venturi." She clarified. "Of course, we'll have to convince the others before they agree to help, but..."

"You mean you believe me?" He asked sceptically.

She tilted her head and looked at him thoughtfully. "Tell me again that you love my sister."

"I'm in love with Casey." He said without hesitating. He'd said it enough by now that he didn't even wince. Much.

She nodded. "I believe you."


	4. Chapter 4

Here you go, another chapter for all the lovely comments you guys have given :) Sorry if I don't get around to answering them all, just assume I've said thank you and given you a virtual hug :)

Disclaimer: You'd be watching my stories on TV or youtube or something if I owned LWD (here's where you say you wish I did :P)

* * *

"First we have to get Edwin and Marti. They'll be easier to get on our side than the 'rents." Lizzie was pacing back and forth in front of his desk.

He watched with a small smirk of amusement. Lizzie seemed more invested in this than he was. But then, considering he still wasn't comfortable with the whole 'romancing Casey' thing that probably wasn't saying much. In his experience, the only romancing most girls required was a bad pick up line and a confident smile; he didn't even know how he would romance someone without going all sappy and just... Not him.

"The only question is, at the same time or separately?" She paused in her pacing and turned to face him. "Derek?"

"What?" He'd hardly been listening, instead playing a space-invaders style game on his computer.

"They're your siblings, what do you think about it? Together or separate?" She expanded.

"Alone. Can't promise Ed will stick to kid friendly topics." He cursed inwardly as his little spaceship died a fiery death.

"Okay, so which one first?" She looked a little irritated by his divided attention.

He shrugged.

"Derek, do you want to get Casey or not?" She rested her hands on her hips, looking so much like her elder sister he had to suppress a (only slightly) dopey grin.

He nodded. "Of course."

"Then pay attention!" She rapped her hand on his desk so hard and suddenly that he jumped and steered his little ship right into a barrage of enemy fire.

"I am!" he protested, holding up his now unoccupied hands in innocence (that last one had been his last life so it was game over). "Smarti first, she won't be hard to convince."

She nodded in satisfaction. "So do I go get her, or do we go find her?"

He sighed, there was no point starting a fresh game, he wouldn't get far before he had to quit to talk to Marti. "We'll go find her."

It didn't take long. She was in a make-shift den under the dining table pretending to be a monkey after being told she was a 'cheeky monkey' by Nora. Why a monkey needed a den was unknown and asking probably wouldn't help. Instead they got straight to the point.

"Marti, you know how Derek said he loves Casey?" Lizzie asked once they were all at least partially under the table.

Marti nodded, nearly headbanging.

"You know it's true right?" Lizzie pressed on.

Marti shook her head. "Casey says Derek said it to make fun of her." She said, then added as an afterthought. "Ook."

"Well, he didn't, he really means it. Right Derek?" Lizzie looked over at him for confirmation.

He nodded, careful not to bang his head on the underside of the table. "That's right Smarti. And we need your help."

Her eyes widened. "What do you want me to do?" She asked immediately. "Ook."

Derek looked back at Lizzie.

"We're not sure yet," Their step-sister answered, "But it'll be important and we need to know we can count on you."

Marti nodded solemnly.

"Right then, we'll come back and get you when we've talked to Ed, okay?" Lizzie waited for another nod before grinning and backing out from under the table.

Derek stayed a moment longer. "Thanks Smarti." He smiled and ruffled her hair.

"Ook!"

Edwin wasn't so easy to win over, and Derek was glad they'd talked to his brother and sister individually. He did not want to fend off another attempt at finding out what was meant by the term 'get in her pants' or explain what a virgin was, how Edwin knew Casey was one (he found out from Derek who found out via Sam after one too many) and why that meant Edwin was reluctant to help Derek.

In the end Lizzie was invaluable; Edwin was torn between his distrust of Derek having feelings of any kind, especially towards Casey and his unerring faith in Lizzie and her judgement. In the end Derek's threats and Lizzie's assurances brought him around, but it was a close thing.

"You're my brother, you're meant to be on my side anyway." Derek grumbled as Ed and Liz discussed 'compensation for Edwin's services'.

Edwin stared at him. "Does that mean you'll cover for me next time I set fire to the dish rag?" He took Derek's glowering silence as a refusal. "Then that doesn't work. I happen to like Casey; she made me soup when I had that cold last month. Therefore if she would like to make an offer for me to switch to her side I'm open to negotiation. So you better make it good."

Lizzie let out an exasperated sigh, "Edwin, we're doing this for Casey as well!"

He raised his eyebrows. "I don't see what she gets out of it."

"Uh, hello! She gets me!" Derek said and was promptly ignored.

"Do you honestly think Derek will still play pranks on her if she's his girlfriend?" Lizzie tried.

"I dunno, would you?" Edwin asked his brother.

Derek shrugged non-commitally. He probably would, but that wasn't going to help the argument.

"Fine! Trash duty for two weeks and..." She paused and pulled out Derek's wallet from her pocket. "Twenty-four dollars and nineteen cents."

"Hey! Where'd you get that!" Derek sat forward in his chair and reached out to reclaim his possession.

"Now, doesn't thirty sound like a nice round number?" Edwin said, folding his arms.

Lizzie tried to out stare him but gave in let her shoulders drop. "Done."

"Sweet!" Edwin agreed with a smug grin.

Nearly two weeks later and they still had no plan for convincing their parents, let alone Casey, that Derek was genuine.

Marti's suggestions included buying her a pony and taking her to Disney land, Edwin's featured finding her diary and taking suggestions from the girl herself (Derek was open to that one, but it didn't hold quite the same appeal to Lizzie, who threatened to tell the whole school he had an STD if he went near Casey's diary, adding that Edwin would most likely not want to eat his pack lunches ever again if he got any ideas about reading it himself) and Lizzie just said they should get Nora and George on board fast because they were so like Derek and Casey. Derek resented that. He loved Nora and his dad but no way did he need dating tips from them.

He was beginning to think it was a lost cause when he was cornered by Nora in the kitchen when he came down for a glass of milk. She appeared as he took a glug from the carton on the way to putting it back in the refrigerator, nearly making him drop it in surprise.

"Nora!" He almost shouted, before remembering the rest of the family was probably asleep and lowering his voice. "What are you doing up?" He asked a little nervously. She was glaring at him for the milk and he wasn't sure her coming upstairs just as he was in the kitchen was a coincidence.

"Couldn't sleep with all the noise going on above my head." She answered wryly.

He smirked a little. "You must have bat hearing then, 'cause I am a master of sneaking around."

"I know." She sighed. "Derek, are you serious about this?"

His stomach dropped. Not now, she couldn't be wanting to have this conversation now when his back-up was snoring on the other floor. "Serious about what?" He stalled for time.

"About Casey." She looked at him a second, taking in his deer in the headlights expression. "Because I have to say, you never seemed interested in her before."

He swallowed and tried to re-summon his smirk, succeeding in a slightly wobbly cousin of his trade-mark expression. "That'll be because I'm also a master of smooth." He joked.

She gave him a look that would have made Einstein feel dumb before answering him. "I mean it, Derek. You've always disliked Casey, and I know you've become almost friends over the years, but it's an unstable friendship at best. Why the sudden change of heart?"

He grabbed his glass of milk and sat down near where Nora had taken a seat at the counter. "It wasn't that sudden." He admitted, inwardly shocked that he was talking about this.

"How long?" Nora asked.

He shrugged. "I have no idea. Just one day I started thinking about pranking her and realized that it was all that went through my head in my spare time. Just her. And sure, it wasn't exactly steamy, but the truth was that that went for everyone else as well. I didn't really... You know, _think_ about anyone else either. And that was different for me, I mean I usually-"

"That's a little too much information." Nora said with an awkward half chuckle.

"Right." He coughed as he fought his body for control over his blush. His eyes found a picture on the windowsill of Casey grinning next to Lizzie and he let his gaze linger there despite the low lighting. "Anyway, I don't know when it started. Some time between me making my mission in life to ruin hers and deciding that only I was allowed to do it." His blush turned up a notch. He hadn't meant to say that either, but it was true. He couldn't remember the last time he'd just let someone hurt Casey without doing something about it.

A slight smile crept onto Nora's face. "You do always look out for her, don't you."

He nodded even though it was rhetorical.

"Did you know she's seeing Truman tomorrow?" She asked.

He swallowed. Of course he knew, he knew everything to do with Casey. The worst thing was that it was actually his fault. He'd ignored Lizzie's warning about the diary and he and Ed had found her dream journal. He still felt sick at the memory of reading her dream about Truman. He'd teased her about it, hoping for denials, which he got at first. But then she decided that he was right, and made her dream a reality. Lizzie had decided he had been punished enough, though Edwin was no longer eating lunch at school. "Yeah." He answered, his despondency seeping into his voice.

"What's he like, this Truman guy?"

Derek shot her a disbelieving look. She couldn't seriously be asking him to talk about Truman, she wasn't that cruel, surely? "He's... A dick." He gave the only answer that came to him.

"You sure you're not just saying that because he's going out with Casey?" She asked.

"They're not going out yet, it's just one date!" He objected, because if he saw Truman as Casey's boyfriend he wasn't sure he could stop himself from doing something horrible to him. Hell, he still might. "And yeah, I'm sure. He's the guy who gave all the girls ratings, remember?"

"I don't know if you have room to judge on that one." His step-mother said doubtingly.

His hand tightened around his glass. "Hey, I'm a jerk, but that's guy's in another league of douchiness, trust me."

She leaned her chin on her hand, not taking her eyes off him. "You think he'll hurt her?"

"I know he will." He said quietly.

"Would you? Hurt her?"

He wished he could say no, he really did. "Not intentionally. Not badly anyway, no worse than I already do." He frowned, that had to be at near top of the list of bad things to say to the mother of the girl you want to date.

To his surprise, Nora gave a quiet laugh. "I suppose it would be silly to assume you'd change personalities just because you were dating."

He gave an uncertain smile. "You think there's a chance?" Why else would she be asking?

She smiled back at him, a little sympathetically. "I don't know. She really seems to like Truman, and you two have a lot of history. And not a great history either."

His smile dropped and he looked down at his hand, which was turning slightly red from the cold of the milk. He turned his attention to his other hand as Nora's covered it and gave it a comforting squeeze.

"You really do care about her, don't you?" She said softly.

He nodded, avoiding her gaze.

She sighed. "If Truman is as bad as you say he is, then whatever it is that's going on between them won't last long. Maybe then you can start trying to win her over. But I want you to promise me that you won't do anything to screw this up for her."

He tensed. Lizzie, Edwin, Marti and himself may have been thinking of ways to... Speed up the inevitable.

"I mean it, Derek. She really likes him, and if he treats her right then good for him. And if he doesn't, then you'll get your chance, but ruining things for them isn't going to help you any." Nora lectured.

"Fine, I won't do anything." Derek said sulkily.

She stood up, giving his shoulder a squeeze as she passed. "Goodnight Derek."

"G'night." He sat another few minutes drinking his milk before heading back up to bed. At least Nora believed him now.


	5. Chapter 5

Any suggestions for a Derek signature prank? With assistance from a Marti monkey?

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

* * *

Lizzie cornered him on the way to his room. "The heck was that?" She demanded.

"The heck was what?" He asked tetchily.

"That! She totally gave you an opening to trash talk Truman and you passed!" Her expression was annoyed and more than a little confused.

"Nora made me promise not to interfere." He pushed past her. He wasn't any more pleased than her, but as much as he would like to deny it, Nora had made sense. He wasn't going to get anywhere with Casey by sabotaging her relationships.

"It wouldn't be interfering," Lizzie argued, "Truman laid himself open for that one. All you'd be doing is expressing an opinion."

Nora didn't agree if the glare she'd given when Derek opened his mouth to say something was anything to go by. "Look, if he's that bad she'll ditch him soon anyway." He said, as much to bolster his own determination as anything.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that. He's got playing her down to an art! He messes up, she gets mad, he says he's sorry and gives her a sob story, she feels guilty and apologizes for not being more understanding! It's sickening!" Lizzie ranted.

Derek threw open the door to his room. "There's nothing I can do about that. If Casey wants to be an idiot, I can't stop her."

"Yes you can! She listens to you!" Her voice was irritatingly pleading now. "Derek, she's my sister, I can't let her stay with that jerk."

"Then talk to her yourself; I already told you I can't!" He avoided looking at the angry pout his words caused; Lizzie really could be like her sister when she wanted to be, and she knew how to use it to her advantage.

"But you love her!"

"So?"

"So, go do something about it!" She very nearly stomped her foot.

He whirled around. "Like what? What could I possibly do that would make her change her mind about me?" He sighed. "She likes Truman and she hates me. I'm not going to change that by telling her I don't like guy and pretty please could she go out with me instead. It doesn't work that way."

"Did you talk to George yet?" Lizzie asked quietly after a moment of silence.

"No, not yet. What good would it do anyway?" He leaned against the wall, a sulky frown on his face and his arms folded over his chest.

"I was thinking maybe you and Edwin should call an emergency guy meeting; make him think it's about Edwin so he shows up and then you'll have your chance at him." Lizzie chatted away. "Edwin says he'll sacrifice his reputation with the ladies for the greater good." She grinned humorously, prompting a small laugh from her step-brother.

After a moment his smile faded. "I don't see what good it'll do. My dad's convinced I'm just saying it to get to Casey, and even if we convince him; the guy's hopeless with women, what possible input could he have?"

"The experience of a Venturi who got his McDonald?" She answered. She reached over and patted his shoulder. "He's the only one left to convince apart from Casey herself; between the six of us we're bound to come up with something to get you your girl."

"In case you're forgetting, you're mom isn't exactly on our side." He pointed out.

Lizzie smiled a little sympathetically. "She just doesn't want to ruin things for Casey. She already knows how you feel, I'll talk her 'round the other half of the way."

Derek raised his eyebrows skeptically. "And just how do you plan to do that?"

"By making her see how Casey feels." Her smile widened at his puzzled expression. "You didn't think I'd be trying to set you up with my sister if I thought there was nothing on her side, did you?"

"You really think?" He asked, wanting to kick himself for how miserable and needy he sounded.

She nodded. "I really think."

As the days passed Derek got more and more frustrated. Truman kept messing Casey around; big enough things that it upset her but small enough that she never properly called him out on it. Derek knew the tactic he was using. The jerk was keeping Casey on edge; making her worry and giving her emotional whiplash so that she didn't have the time or confidence to call him out and call quits. Maybe if she had two seconds between his mood swings she'd figure out what was going on and dump his sorry ass.

Derek himself was having a hard time not knocking the guy flat onto the afore-mentioned body part, and Lizzie wasn't much better. In all honesty, Derek kept hoping Lizzie would snap and beat Truman senseless; and you could bet that the video Derek would record of it would be treasured always.

School was worse than ever before; everyone, including Truman, still knew about Derek's declaration of love and that Casey was dating Truman. They also knew he'd been suspended for decking someone or more than one someone, and that he was rusty on the hocky pitch from lack of practice sessions for two weeks and the distraction of his other problems.

As if the problems themselves weren't enough, without hearing people whisper about him. He'd never regretted his popularity before, but he was close to doing so by the third smirk from one of Truman's friends, and the second pitying look from the girls in his english class.

Desperate times called for desperate measures.

He called the emergency guy meeting.

Getting George to come to 'Edwin's' aid wasn't difficult. He had just finished working a fairly big case that had had him working all hours, and was now on yet another guilt trip over not being around for his kids.

It was a little more difficult to keep him in the room when the truth was revealed.

He let out an exasperated sigh and made for the door, shooting glares as both boys as he went.

"Dad, wait!" Edwin yelled with his usual overdramatic flair. "You have to listen! This may be the one and only time Derek will ever love!"

George paused, fighting a laugh. "Edwin, Nora and I have discussed this, and I believe she's discussed it with Derek. We're not going to meddle in Casey's love life; it's just not fair." He turned to his eldest. "Derek, if Casey chooses to end her relationship with Truman and start one with you, _of her own free will_, then you have my support. Other than that, unless Ed really does want some help, this conversation is over."

"Dad," Derek called out, "Look, I know I promised not to interfere with Casey and Truman," he couldn't hold back the mocking tone he said the name in, "But what about after?"

George frowned. "After?"

"When... If she breaks up with him. Would you..." He pulled a face, twisting his mouth as if tasting something rotten, "Help me?"

George's jaw practically dropped. "You want _my_ help with girls?"

"Just this one. And it was Lizzie's idea." He backed up warily as George stepped towards him, arms outstretched and tears in his eyes.

George pulled his son in for a hug, ignoring the way he wriggled uncomfortably and tried to pull away.

"Dad!" Derek gave escape a final attempt.

His dad drew away. "I'm sorry; it's just... I never thought... I mean you coming to me for help with girls! With Edwin fair enough, he'll take any pointers he can get,"

"Hey!" Edwin protested.

"But you?" George continued, breaking off again to pull Derek in for another, much briefer hug.

"So is that a yes?" Derek asked, still a more than a little put out by all the hugging. He didn't do hugs.

"If she breaks up with Truman on her own? Sure." He smiled sheepishly at his boys. "Nora made me promise I wouldn't condone or help any attempts at splitting them up though."

Derek sighed in relief and collapsed back on the bed; only one person to go. He shot back up. Of course, getting Emily involved wouldn't hurt anything. It even had the added bonus of her despising Truman. "I gotta go talk to Lizzie about something." He got up and darted out of the door.

He found Lizzie in her room. Talking to Casey. He supressed a groan and knocked on the open doorway.

The girls looked up.

Casey glared. "What do you want?"

"None of your business." He tried his best not to return the glare, but he didn't think he did so well. "Lizzie, can I talk to you?"

Lizzie was standing up before he'd finished asking. "Sure. Be right back Casey."

"Liz!" Casey whined but was ignored.

They entered Marti's room for privacy's sake, eliciting a small complaint about knocking and how she was in the middle of something, before she got caught up Lizzie's anticipation.

"Well?" His younger step-sister asked, hands on hips.

"Dad's on board." He confirmed, earning a satisfied nod. "Anyway, I was thinking-"

Both girls gave a small snort.

He shot them death glares before continuing. "Emily hates Truman. And she's Casey's best friend." He waited.

"So..?" Lizzie frowned.

"So, should we talk to her?" He said impatiently.

Lizzie's face cleared. "That's a great idea! Which one of us should talk to her?"

"I was thinking you." Derek said firmly.

"Why?"

"Because I've had to talk to every single person so far, and all these conversations about feelings are starting to make me feel dirty." He explained. "Plus she kinda creeps me out when we're alone." He shuddered a little in memory of her creepy, never flinching stare.

Lizzie sighed loudly. "Fine, I'll talk to her. But you'll have to find a way to distract Casey."

"How? The only way I can tend to hold her attention is by pi..." He glanced at his baby sister, "Pranking her."

Lizzie shrugged. "So prank her."

"Wouldn't that be a little counterproductive?" He asked.

She looked momentarily confused over such a long word leaving his lips, but answered after a moment. "Maybe. But it's not like you've built up any good opinion to destroy."

"I'll help!" Marti piped up.

Derek smiled, "Thanks Smarti." Maybe with her cuteness they might even get away with it.


	6. Chapter 6

And now for the prank. Or most of it anyway. :)

BTW just saw a film called 'To Protect Our Children' where George plays a pedophile... it was a little disturbing to see him in that role, especially as even his clothes and hair were the same lol. Anyway, on with the show. Or story.

Disclaimer: I do not own Life With Derek or Sir Monksallot

* * *

Marti turned out to have inherited the Venturi pranking gene in full strength; she planned and executed the prank mostly by herself, only including Derek when her height or age limited her.

They made sure their parents were out and waited for Emily to arrive, not wanting to risk alerting Casey by inviting her themselves, before putting the plan in motion.

For the first fifteen minutes they let the friends chat mostly in peace, with only the occasional interruption. After that, Marti offered to get them drinks, bringing back two tall glasses of cola, and 'accidentally' spilling half of one over Casey.

"Marti!" Casey screeched, before looking into her little step-sister's sad expression.

"I'm sorry Casey." Marti lied, quite convincingly for her age.

Casey sighed. "It's okay." She stood up and examined her ruined clothes. "Just be more careful next time."

Marti nodded. "Come on Casey, let's go upstairs and I'll help you wash your hair." She jumped up and down excitedly.

If she was confused by her step-sister's newfound love of washing her hair, Casey didn't say anything. She smiled and turned towards her friend. "I won't be long. Just don't let Derek side track you, we're still going to the mall."

Marti led the way impatiently, eager for phase two of her plan.

She waited until Casey's hair was wet and hanging over the side of the bath, before tiptoeing out of the room, jamming shut the door behind her (she'd needed Derek's help for this, but luckily after the incident where he and Casey had become trapped in the bathroom together, he didn't find it too hard to set it up to jamb.) and signalling the go ahead to Lizzie, who was waiting by the door to her room.

As Casey began calling to her, she hammered on the door, pretending it was just as stuck from the outside. As predicted, Casey told her to go fetch Derek and Marti ran off to do so. Though not quite for the reasons Casey would have liked.

Derek shot up from his chair as his sister entered his room. "She stuck?"

Marti nodded gleefully. "Yep."

"Good job Smarti!" He ruffled her hair and exited the room. "You know what to do next."

She beamed and ran off to complete phase three while Derek 'fixed' the bathroom door.

She snuck into Casey's room with a feeling of trepidation. While she knew her step-sister was currently trapped in the bathroom and therefore unable to do anything about it, she also knew Casey would go crazy when she saw the results of phase three. She shook her head the way she'd seen Nora do when Derek had done something bad again; the things she would do for her Smerek.

Lizzie cleared her throat, drawing the attention of the girl on the couch. "Emily, can I talk to you about something?"

Emily smiled, her expression morphing from slight concern at the yelling coming from either side of the bathroom door upstairs into the slightly patronizing grin she used on anyone younger than herself. "Sure kiddo. What do you want to talk about?"

Lizzie took that as an invitation to sit. "It's about Casey... And Derek."

Emily laughed a little. "You mean that rumour around the school that he's in love with her?"

"Kinda..." Lizzie knew about Emily's crush so she was more than a little hesitant to bring this up, but she also knew Emily was probably their best chance at getting Casey to see sense with regards to both Truman and Derek. And it wasn't like she had a chance with him anyway; not when he was in love with Casey. "You see it's not so much a rumour as..."

"He actually told her. I know." Emily butted in before Lizzie found the appropriate ending to her sentence. "She hasn't stopped complaining about it since it happened."

Lizzie smiled a little nervously. "Thing is... He was kinda telling the truth."

Emily looked at her, a confused expression on her face, before it cleared and she laughed again.

"It's true!" Lizzie raised her voice above the laughter. "He really does. And he wants to be with her, but she won't believe him!"

"Yeah, I wonder why that is." Emily said sarcastically. She took in Lizzie's frustrated expression and sighed. "Look, I know he has a crush on her. I've known that since the first second I saw them together. But love? I don't think Derek even really knows what it means!"

"You knew?" Lizzie questioned. Even she hadn't seen it, not that early, how did Emily know?

"Of course I knew! I've been Derek's non-psychotic stalker for years!" Emily actually seemed a little put out at the assumption that she hadn't known.

Lizzie had to admit, Emily had a point. Though she wasn't quite sure about the 'non' in non-psychotic. "So what makes you say he doesn't love her?"

Emily gave her a look obviously meant to convey 'are you kidding me'. "This is Derek we're talking about. He hasn't loved anything apart from himself and Marti since he was two."

"Hey, Derek loves people! He's just a little... Repressed. But just because he doesn't show it, doesn't mean he doesn't feel it." Lizzie defended.

"No, but I'm pretty sure he thinks it does. It's completely out of character for him to actually admit to himself, let alone others, that he loves someone. Most definitely that he's _in_ love with someone." Emily leaned back as though she'd successfully proven her point and expected no further argument.

Lizzie suppressed an eye roll and a growl of frustration. "Well, can we at least agree that Truman is bad news?"

Emily's smug expression soured. "Definitely."

"Good." Lizzie breathed. "Then can you also agree Casey should be with someone who actually cares about her?"

Emily nodded.

"Even if that person turns out to be Derek?"

Emily hesitated a second, but still nodded.

"Then welcome to the team." Lizzie smiled. There was always time to convince her of Derek's feelings; at least they now had her on side.

"Casey, shut up!" Derek yelled through the door, brow furrowed in frustration. "I can't concentrate with you yelling at me!"

"I am trapped in the bathroom in sticky, cola covered clothes with nothing else to wear and no clean towels! I'm entitled to yell!" Casey yelled back.

The sound of things falling out of the bathroom cabinet reached Derek's ears. "Let me rephrase- Casey, shut the hell up or I'll leave you in there until the 'rents get home!"

"Der-ek!"

Derek's lips quirked. When the hell did that annoying inflection start sounding so damn hot? He shook his head and turned back to the work at hand. Fixing the door was proving more difficult than rigging it. No matter, he had plenty of time; if it had taken too little time he was going to have pretended it took longer to keep her in there long enough for Marti to finish. "I thought you poetry people were meant to be patient! It being a virtue or something."

"That's saints. Not poets. And I have no time to be patient! I'm meant to be going to the mall with Emily and meeting up with Truman for a movie!" Casey ranted, near hysterically.

Derek smiled grimly. He was glad his baby sister was a genius; her plan had a major positive side effect that he wished he could capture the full extent of on camera. Maybe Emily would record it on her phone if she was on board. "What did I say about shutting the hell up?" He answered his irate step-sister.

"You leave me in here and I'll make sure Mom grounds you for a month!" Her fist against the door emphasized her point.

Marti skipped out of Casey's room and gave the go ahead to let Casey out. Derek nodded and continued his efforts.

Marti watched on. "Should I go get Lizzie?"

"No!" Derek protested. He was into this battle, he was going to finish it. The door was going down. Literally if it came to it.

"Okayyy..." Marti sang sceptically, before sitting down in the middle of the hall to watch his efforts and play with Sir Monksallot.

He smothered a curse as the screwdriver slipped and hit against the thumb of his left hand. The last thing he needed after this was another grounding for teaching Marti swear words. He stood with a sigh and stretched his back, before aiming a kick at the door., receiving a loud squeal from Casey and an interested glance from his baby sister. He staggered back as the door remained solid. Considering for a moment, his eyes fell on the hinges. He grabbed a hammer and set to work at the edge of the door, hoping to splinter the wood enough to pull it from the hinges.

Eventually blunt force and ignorance won out and the door came loose enough for Casey to slip out, grab a towel and head to her room, having washed her hair while waiting and declaring she'd use make-up wipes for the stickiness on her arm and shoulder. Not that either Derek or Marti was particularly interested in her hygiene at that moment.

They silently counted down on their fingers with glee until Casey's yell echoed throughout the house as she found the final stage of Marti's prank.

Derek's glee was somewhat dampened when he heard Nora and George get back and remembered what he'd done to the bathroom door.


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry for the long wait! Not really sure about this chapter but I hope you guys like it :)

Disclaimer: LWD belongs to Daphne Ballon, my name isn't Daphne so it isn't mine

* * *

Casey came screeching out of her room just as Nora rounded the stairs to ask what was going on and Marti disappeared into her room (or possibly thin air), leaving Derek to face it all by himself.

He shot a glance at his own bedroom, but Nora was already staring at the wreckage of the bathroom door. She wouldn't hesitate to chase him.

"Derek? What? How? Why?" She asked, seemingly unable to settle on which she wanted to ask more.

Derek looked helplessly at Casey, but soon realised she was too caught up in the final phase of Marti's prank to come to his aid. "She got stuck in the bathroom."

"So you decided to break the door down?" Nora still looked horrified.

"Mom! Someone's been in my room and completely trashed my clothes!" Casey interrupted, temporarily drawing her mother's attention.

"We'll deal with this later!" She informed Derek before going to help her eldest.

He trailed behind, smirking at the mess Marti had made. There were clothes everywhere... And the extremely strong scent of the perfume Nora gave Marti for dressing up. Everything was saturated with it. It'd come out after a couple of washes, but there was no way Casey was wearing any of it to go to the mall. "I guess Marti must have spilt her perfume." He shrugged at the twin glares mother and daughter directed at him. "What? I told you not to give her any of that girly crap, not my fault you didn't listen."

"Derek, language." Nora admonished absently while searching through her daughter's clothes for something at least near wearable. "Casey, I'm sorry. Isn't there anything in the laundry that you could wear?"

"No, I brought all my clothes up this morning, everything else is dirty." Casey was nearly in tears. That really shouldn't make Derek feel smug considering how he felt about her, but maybe he had a little inner sadist. Or maybe he just really didn't want her seeing Truman. Either worked.

"Can't you wear something of Nora's?" Derek suggested helpfully, knowing full well that the fact of him being the one to suggest it would be enough to stop Casey from doing it.

Casey pursed her lips and crossed her arms. "I have a better idea. Why don't I just take some of yours? Seeing as you want to be _helpful_ it seems only right."

Derek held back a smug grin. Oh yeah, he was the kind of manipulation. All you emotional black mailing biatches could kneel down and kiss his superior ass. "What? No! I don't share clothes with girls! What if you get your stupid flowery body spray on them?" He protested, reeling her in the rest of the way. Lets see how Truman liked Derek's clothes on his girlfriend.

Casey's eyes glinted. "I'm sure it'll wash out." She left the room to steal some of his clothes.

"Nora!" He appealed for the hell of it.

"No, Derek. I wouldn't be surprised if you were behind this. It's the perfect opportunity to wreck Casey's date." She sighed angrily and gave him a 'you're in so much trouble young man' glare. "I thought we talked about this? No interfering with her relationships. If she decides to be with you, it has to come from her."

Derek nodded shamefully, inwardly arguing that he hadn't really wrecked anything by slightly sabotaging one date, so he hadn't really broken his promise.

She lowered her hand from her hips and pointed out towards the hall. "Now, how about you tell me about the bathroom door?"

A lot of throwing of clothes and objects later, Casey appeared in the living room dressed completely in Derek's clothes (apart from underwear) with a girly belt synched around her middle to make her look less of a tomboy and her hair and make-up done impeccably.

Even Derek had to admit they looked better on her than on him. Not that he did out loud.

Emily gave her a once over, stated her approval and ushered her towards the front door. Truman had already been waiting half an hour.

Derek shot a quick glance at Lizzie who had been called to give her opinion on Casey's improvised outfit, and at her small nod of confirmation he stepped forward to block their way. "Wait, I was thinking, a double date would be cool." It really wouldn't be; the thought of being in the same cinema as Casey and Truman while they made out was enough to make him feel quite literally sick; but he wanted to be there to see Truman's face, and also because since the idea of them being in a dark room together occurred to him, he'd wanted to be there to keep an eye on them. "Mind if I come with?"

"Yes. We do mind. Now if you'd just move out of the way of the door." Casey made to push passed him.

Emily took in Derek's expression. "Actually, it would be kind of nice not to have to be the third wheel." She sent an innocent look back at Casey's glare. "Sorry Casey, but if Derek wants to come too then he can keep me company."

Derek smiled. "Sweet. Let me just grab my coat." He reached back behind Casey and shrugged on his trademark jacket.

The three left with a few parting yells of goodbye and piled into the Prince.

"You weren't grounded for the door then?" Casey asked after a few moments of tense silence.

"Nope. Told Nora what happened. She threatened to make me enrol in a DIY course, but apart from that it's all good." He smiled lazily. Nora hadn't even suspected that he might have jammed it in the first place.

Emily, who had somehow found herself in the back seat even though she was supposedly Derek's date, sat forward between the seats. "So what movie are we seeing?"

"Truman and I thought we could watch The Proposal." Casey replied.

"No." Derek instantly decided.

"You don't get to say no. This was originally for me, Truman and Emily and we already decided on a romantic comedy." Casey jutted her chin up defiantly.

"Fine. But if we're watching a girly film then I at least get to decide which one." Derek huffed. He was regretting his decision to come already.

Casey considered a moment before deciding there wasn't much room for him to do wrong with a rom-com. She gave a brief nod. "Fine."

Emily coughed to cover a small snort at the fact that apparently it was Casey and Derek's choice alone. Figured.

The rest of the short drive was silent, and Casey hopped out of the car almost before it had pulled to a complete stop, Emily following her quickly after and Derek only sticking around to check in his wallet for money. Luckily he had enough for two tickets, though he probably should have checked _before_ tagging along.

They trekked from the parking lot to the cinema with Casey striding ahead, already on the lookout for Truman. Spotting him, she rushed forward and hugged him. "Sorry we're late, I got stuck in the bathroom."

Derek sniggered.

Casey turned to glare at him, a blush tinting her cheeks as she realised how that could have sounded. "The door jammed."

Truman gave her a look over, quizzically taking in her unusual outfit. "You starting a new trend?"

"Oh, they're Derek's. Marti destroyed all of my clothes." Casey explained, completely missing the alarmed look on her boyfriend's face as she said she was wearing her step-brother's clothes.

"She destroy your Mom's and Emily's clothes too?" Truman pointed out the obvious flaw in her reasoning.

Derek smirked. "Nah, she just insisted on wearing mine." Now Truman had joined Casey in glaring. Score.

"At least this time I still smell like me." Casey muttered.

"You, ah, wear his clothes often?" Truman's alarmed tone finally broke through Casey's sulking.

"What? No!" She denied, a little to quickly.

Suspicion rose in Truman's eyes.

Derek couldn't resist adding a little something more. "At least your girly smell is gone from my hockey gear now." In truth it had literally been years since she'd washed it and got her girly fabric softener all over it, so of course the smell was gone, but Derek knew it had been worth bringing up when Truman's jaw clenched, his gaze refusing to meet Casey's.

Truman started towards the ticket desk. "Come on, let's pick a movie before everything starts." He didn't wait for any of them and Casey sped after him after throwing a death glare at Derek.

Derek scanned the movie billboards and titles, looking for a rom-com that looked even vaguely watchable. Emily stood by him and did the same. He turned to her. "Thanks for this."

She smiled and shrugged. "Like I wanted to be alone in a dark cinema with them anyway."

"How do you think they're planning on paying for tickets when we don't even know what we're watching yet?" He asked, observing as Casey and Truman talked about something, presumably the fact that they were no longer seeing the film they'd previously agreed on because the guy who's clothes she was wearing said so. The smirk returned to his lips in strength, having not truly faded since the suspicious look in Truman's eye had returned.

Emily shrugged and turned back to the movie titles. "So, what are you gonna pick?"

He gave another quick scan of the posters, eyes falling to rest on a picture of a hot blond chick and a guy with a heart over his dick. He shrugged and pointed. "That one?"

"Ooh, I've heard that one's really good, but Casey wouldn't go and see it 'cause it messes with her 'true love' ideals." Emily rolled her eyes fondly. "I told her not to take the trailer too seriously, but no dice. Guess she's going to see it now, though."

Derek nodded. Perfect; a rom-com that Casey would hate just as he would. He jogged over to the happy couple. "Hey, Case, me and Emily picked a movie." He pointed to the poster again.

"Emily and I." She murmured under her breath before turning to follow his finger. She pouted. No way did he know to pick the only romantic comedy showing that she _didn't_ want to see.

He smirked back at her, eyes glinting in challenge.

She glanced at Truman, who just looked impatient to get the damn tickets and go make out in the dark. She sighed. "Fine." Casey turned back to the woman at the desk. "Four for The Ugly Truth, please."

The woman smiled and collected the cash from Derek and Truman, handing them back their tickets and saying 'thank you' in a sugary, not all there tone.

Derek and Emily grinned at each other at the scowl they received from Truman when they sat themselves in the seats right next to them. Truman was obviously planning a little privacy for his evening. Too bad.

The commercials and trailers were already nearly over, their lateness and uncertainty over films having landed them nearly fifteen minutes into when the movie should have started. It's a fact of life that any time you go to the movies, you can almost guarantee a twenty minute wait until the feature starts. A good part of any TV lover's life is spent watching pointless shit about stuff they're never going to need, or stuff they won't buy/see on principle because they have such annoying adverts. At least that's how it seemed to Derek.

He zoned out as the opening scenes showed, paying attention instead to Truman's arm slowly pulling Casey further in and his face nuzzling in her hair. He gave a twisted grin that no one could see when Casey pulled away, whispering that she was trying to watch the movie.

He turned his attention back to the screen just as the blonde chick turned on her bedroom TV and started watching the dick/heart guy from the poster talking about women's relationship help books and how stupid they are. He gave a snort of laughter at a joke about a treadmill and tried to keep his attention on the screen and off his step-sister and her horny boyfriend. He was successful at least a quarter of the time.


	8. Chapter 8

I am so, so sorry for neglecting this! Lots of stuff going on distracting me, muses only wanting to write TDoI etc. I'll try not to do it again. :)

Disclaimer: I don't own LWD but if any of the producers for LWD,A want to offer me a job I'm completely amenable to the proposal. If they're even still doing it that is.

* * *

Two more 'double-dates' with Emily and Derek gave up his mission of being in the way as much as possible (just being there doesn't count as sabotage, right?); it just wasn't worth it to see Truman smarm all over her and make out with her and stuff. It was seriously ridiculous how much she clung to the guy when Derek was around, like she was doing it just to prove a point. A theory supported by the fact that, according to Emily, when Derek wasn't around Casey was fairly normal with Truman.

He absently flicked popcorn at the TV as a whingy girl who reminded him far too much of Casey (almost everything did these days; it was getting beyond annoying) appeared on the TV. Casey was out. With Truman. And it sucked. Emily wasn't even with them this time, so lord knows what they'd get up to.

The next piece of popcorn was chewed viciously with an open mouth in the exact way that would piss Casey off if she was there.

But she wasn't.

The lack of an 'ew' or 'Der-ek' only worsened his mood. He turned the TV off and discarded his popcorn, storming in the direction of his room. He paused at the foot of the stairs before turning and retrieving his popcorn.

Safely upstairs and locked in his room he called Sam, hoping for a distraction and maybe some plans for later so he didn't have to be home while Casey gushed about her date. Or cried about it. Each was as likely as the other.

"Yo, D-man." The voice on the other end of the phone said before he'd even spoken.

Derek fought back a laugh; he'd long outgrown the nickname, but Sam and Ralph still used it all the time. "How did you know it was me? Didn't think your housephone had caller ID?"

"Ralph's at Lorrie's and Stacey is visiting her grandma in the states. Other than that, you're the only person with the housephone number who'd call at half-nine at night." Sam answered logically. "So, what do you want?"

"I was thinking of hitting that new club on south, you game?" Derek asked, making it up on the spot.

"Dude, last time we used our fake-ID's we were nearly arrested!" Sam protested mildly.

Derek rolled his eyes. "So?"

"So, I don't want a criminal record!" Sam argued, "Not that I'd live long enough for it to affect me if my parents had to bail me out of jail!"

"Oh, come on! We won't get caught. And if we do you can blame it all on me. Poor impressionable Sammy led astray by his bad boy best friend Derek." He wheedled, trying his best at persuading his friend into going out. He really needed not to be in the house when Casey got back, which could be anywhere between now and half-eleven.

"We used that last time. And the time before that. It's wearing pretty thin."

"Sam, buddy, please. I need to get out of this house, I'm going out of my freakin' mind over here!" He pleaded.

"Casey's out with Truman again isn't she." It wasn't a question. Sam had known how Derek felt for a very long time; it's kind of hard to hide when you wrestle a guy for trying to date a step-sister you supposedly don't even like let alone feel protective of. Strangely, Sam had let him keep his delusions and denial until he'd told him of his own volition not all that long ago. Then he'd laughed. Hard. Seriously, Derek had given up talking to him after about ten minutes and started up a game of Babe Raider.

"Are you coming or not?" Derek asked tetchily. He didn't think he was that obvious.

"Can't you just come over here? I got the new Tombs of Eons game."

Derek sighed. With everything reminding him of Casey he very much doubted playing the latest Babe Raider would turn his thoughts elsewhere. He still had very vivid dreams of her in that outfit she'd worn to look like the game character. He wondered if in the, seemingly less and less likely, event that she dumped Truman and went out with him he'd be able to convince her to wear it again. Or something similar at any rate; he doubted she still had those clothes after so long. He let his head fall heavily against the wall behind him as he realised he'd already got side tracked by his stupid love-sick thoughts. "Sure. Just... Try and... You know."

Sam laughed down the phone. "Don't worry, I'll be kicking your ass so hard you won't have a spare second to think about her."

And this, ladies and gentlemen, was why Sam was and always would be his best friend. "I'll be there in twenty." He hung up without saying goodbye and jumped down the stairs three at a time, the restlessness bursting out now he had somewhere for it to go. He shoved his feet in his shoes and snatched his jacket, checking inside for his car keys before throwing open the door and going on his merry way.

If Sam's family was surprised to find him at their door at six minutes to ten then they didn't show it, just showed him in, told him he and Sam could play in the living room as long as they were quiet, and went back to their evening routines. Sam was already playing the game, but turned it off and restarted when Derek came in.

They burned through a quarter of the game in four and a quarter hours before Sam started yawning too often to keep playing and they grabbed a big bag of chips to scoff back.

Derek stifled a yawn of his own, not wanting to be a hypocrite after he called Sam a wimp for yawning, and pulled out his phone to check the time. He frowned as he read two missed calls and a text from Nora. He opened the text.

**I need to talk to you. **

He swallowed hard and called her. The phone rung on to the voicemail and he hung up and tried again. And again. Until at last she picked up.

"Derek?" Nora's muffled voice answered. "What time is it?"

"Is Casey all right?" He butted in impatiently.

"What? Yes, she's fine. A bit upset but she was laughing when I left her room." His step-mother replied sleepily.

"Then what the hell did you call me about?!" Derek snapped down the phone, ignoring the puzzled look Sam gave him.

"Derek, calm down!" Nora said in her disappointed Mom tone.

He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just..." Another deep breath. "I thought something had happened to Casey."

"No, no. She's fine." Nora soothed. "I'm sorry for worrying you. I just wanted to reconsider being a part of Team Get-Truman-Dumped."

He gave a slightly strangled chuckle. "May I ask why?"

"Because I'm sick to death of Casey coming home in tears and then hearing her justify that a... That..." She struggled to correct her almost swearing.

"It's ok, I do know the word asshole, you won't poison my underage ears." He teased. "Welcome aboard."


	9. Chapter 9

This one's kind of short and filler-y, but it was either that or no update for a week, and this bit had to happen anyway and isn't the shortest chapter I've posted (I think anyway) so don't hate me too much.

Disclaimer: Only the plot is mine.

* * *

Derek dragged himself through the front door sluggishly. He'd headed home early to talk to Nora but he was still exhausted from the all night gaming and snacking session. He heard a squeal from Marti echo from upstairs and winced at the thump that followed it. Home sweet home.

Nora was waiting for him in the kitchen, sending glances at the ceiling at the thumps coming from the next floor as if she could see through it top whatever was going on. "Derek." She said abruptly, making him jump. "You're back early."

"You said Casey was at Emily's until eleven." He explained. He really didn't think it was a good idea to have this conversation with the risk of Casey overhearing.

She nodded.

"So what did he do this time?" Derek didn't need to say his name, she knew who he meant.

Nora sighed. "Just the usual. He made some comment about a friend of hers. She'd broken up with her boyfriend because he told her three months meant sex or break up and Truman said so what, if the girl wanted to keep the relationship then she should've slept with the guy. Casey got upset and argued back, told him that giving an ultimatum like that was disgusting and if he supported that behaviour then they were done."

Derek's eyes darted up to Nora's.

"Don't get too excited. She stormed out and got back here about five minutes after you left. Ten minutes after that she got a phone call. Truman told her he wasn't condoning the behaviour of her friend's boyfriend, that in actual fact what he was saying was that if he was ready for sex and she wasn't then it was a good job they broke up because they obviously weren't compatible. He told Casey to give her friend a hug from him." Nora said all this with a disdainful, ironic smirk that said she didn't believe a word of it.

Derek's fists clenched. "And Casey said she was sorry she overreacted and stormed out without listening, and forgave all, right?"

"Right." Nora confirmed. "Derek, if that's the kind of thing he thinks is okay, if he thinks pressuring and manipulating girls into sex is normal, then I don't want him anywhere near my daughter. Especially when she seems so easily influenced by him."

He nodded. "You got a game plan?"

"Not, really, no. But I thought it might be best to just show him up for what he is rather than something that could backfire and look bad on you." She told him.

"Me?" He asked. "You mean you're just going to leave me to take the blame if it all goes wrong?"

"She'll blame you whether I do or not." Nora argued. "Anyway, I figured you're the one gaining if this works."

"So are you! You get rid of number one douche bag and the threat to your daughter's virginity." Derek said indignantly.

Nora levelled him with a look. "If all this goes our way then I don't think the threat to Casey's virginity is going to go away."

He laughed, but it was weak at best. To be perfectly honest he was becoming more and more convinced that even with Truman out of the picture Casey would only ever be his friend and his step-sister. And that was if she forgave him for admitting his feelings to her. "Thanks for the vote of confidence Nora, but we both know that even if I tried I couldn't get Casey to sleep with me if she didn't want to."

Nora raised her eyebrows. "I know that, but we both know Casey has a habit of loosening her strict life codes when it comes to you."

"Maybe, but she's still Casey. She'd hold out just to spite me if it came to it." Derek smiled a little, catching himself at Nora's fond look. "Hold up with the look, I'm not a chick flick, I just seem to have a masochistic taste in women."

"That's my daughter you're talking about." Nora said amusedly.

"Oh, I'm supposed to say what a joy and an honour it would be to date her?" Derek asked drily. "I'm sorry, let me try again. I have amazing taste in women and I'm absolutely thrilled to have developed feelings for someone who will likely make my life a living hell with her obsession, manic mood swings and up tight prissy-ness if ever I am _lucky_ enough to get her to go out with me."

Nora bit back a laugh. "I can't imagine why she didn't leap on the opportunity to go out with you." She said, patting his hand condescendingly and leaving the kitchen.

"I know, it's one of the great mysteries of our time." He called over his shoulder as he turned, digging through the refrigerator for something to balance out the blood sugar dip from last night's junk food binge. All he found was half a block of cheese and some of Casey's weird onion-y green things. He grabbed the cheese and after a moment's consideration went back for the green things. There was some bread still in the pantry and some butter on the chopping board (Edwin never cleaned up after himself; the knife probably went upstairs with him and would likely be seen next three thousand years from now by archeologists excavating their house) and Derek checked around to make sure no one could observe his semi-cooking skills before making himself cheese on toast with the addition of some onion flavoured catalysts to a Casey break-down (Der-ek! Keep your grimy hands off my food and go gorge on something heart attack inducing!). No one could ever say he wasn't resourceful and good at multitasking.

"So Mom's on our side now?" Lizzie interrupted his snack mid-bite.

He carried on eating anyway and nodded, speaking through his mouthful despite Lizzie's wrinkled nose. "She thinks we should catch him out like I did with coach whathisname rather than sabotage him."

"That's a good thought, but Truman's smarter than Scott. He not only covers his tracks but explains them away when found out. It's going to be harder to catch him red handed, especially timing it so that Casey sees." Lizzie mused.

Derek nodded again and took another bite. He personally didn't see what was so clever about manipulating Casey; he did it all the time and it was the easiest thing he knew how to do.

"So, now we have a full and complete team, how 'bout we call a team meeting to strategize?" Lizzie said after another few moments of silent thought.

Derek shrugged.

"Great. I'll find out when Casey's next date with Truman is and tell the others to ditch their plans and assemble." She threw a glance in the direction of upstairs where the banging noises had stopped at last, probably due to Nora's intervention. "I might have to ask for an extension on Marti's bedtime so she can join us. She's proved useful so far."

Derek let a small smirk-shaped smile pass his lips and gave another nod. His baby sister had probably done more for the cause than any of them so far, it would be unfair and unwise not to include her.

"Phone." Lizzie demanded out of the blue.

"Wha?" He asked, exposing another load of half masticated food.

"Your phone. I need to ask Emily to interrogate Casey about her next date. She'll be able to get more details than I would." Her hand was out in front of her at the ready and Derek dug one handed through his pockets to find his cell, grease smudging over the screen as he handed it over. Lizzie pulled a face but didn't pause before sending off a text to her sister's best friend. "There. You should get an answer in about fifteen minutes assuming Emily can get Casey to shut up long enough for her to text. I'll be talking to Mom about a possible bedtime extension for Marti."

Derek took his phone back and finished his cheese on toast in two bites. He wondered if he was meant to read about Casey's date before he told Lizzie the details. He hoped not.


	10. Chapter 10

I know, not a very long chapter for how long it took me to write it, but blame it on all the couples that got randy in October and November; seriously, the amount of birthdays there are in July is ridiculous!

Disclaimer: Alas, Life With Derek will never truly be mine *sighs melodramatically and stares longingly at screen shots*

* * *

Casey's next date was to a petting zoo. Seriously. They needn't have bothered pushing back Marti's bed time; though, Derek thought with a bitter smirk, maybe it would be fitting to send Marti along with them. It was more suited to her age group after all.

Against his better judgement, and perhaps out of some sick masochistic need to torture himself, he did look at the text when it came through and then spent a good fifteen minutes in his room playing loud, angry music before he'd calmed down enough to report to Lizzie. In fact, she did poke her head around the door a few times to see if he was ready to talk, but he pretended he didn't notice her and she left.

When he finally turned the volume down and tore his eyes away from the violent computer game he was playing, she was ready and waiting, taking a suspiciously short amount of time to barge into his room and demand to see the text. He handed it over to her while he rubbed his eyes and leaned back in his chair, trying his utmost not to get wound up again with thoughts of Truman and Casey sipping fruit-juice cartons and laughing at cute, fluffy lambs.

"A petting zoo?" Lizzie asked incredulously.

Derek just grunted in agreement, both with what she'd said and with the disbelief in her voice.

"Well, at least we'll have a full day to scheme." Lizzie said, her voice dripping with disdain. She hated petting zoos, and zoos in general, as they perpetuated the captivity and consumerism of animals.

"I was thinking..." Derek started, then paused, glaring at the worried look on Lizzie's face when he said those three words. "I was thinking that maybe we should get Casey to take Marti with her."

Lizzie's face cleared and a wicked grin crept to her lips, still in the early stages but he could work with that.

"Just think about it, what would make the day better than having _darling_ Truman get to know a member of the family? A very young, very loud, very stubborn member of the family that Casey loves very much." He paused again, his own wicked grin beginning to show. "I'm sure Casey would love to see how _great_ Truman probably is with cock-blocking, screaming children."

And just like that Lizzie's wicked grin was up to full strength. "Of course, it would mean Marti wouldn't be there for the meeting..." She said slowly.

Derek shrugged. "We could catch her up. Besides, she'd be doing more good out there than with us, and we could send a phone with her just in case."

Lizzie nodded. "Okay, I'll go let Marti know so she can psych herself up for begging Casey."

"Could you also let the rest of the team know about everything?" Derek asked/ordered as she reached the door.

She sighed. "Fine. But you are actually going to have to pull your weight at some point."

Derek had already turned back to his computer game.

.

"But Casey, there are ducks." Marti pleaded. "_Ducks_."

"I know, Marti, but you'll just have to get George and Nora to take you some time." Casey was attempting to pick out an outfit for her date the next day, Marti hindering her at every step, getting under her feet, sitting on the pile of clothes on the bed and playing with Casey's jewellery and make-up. "Besides, you see ducks at the park all the time."

"S'not the same." Marti whined, pouting her heart out and completely focussed. "Please, Casey, pleeeaaassseee!"

Casey sighed and looked down at her step-sister's wide eyes and earnest expression. This wasn't a fight she could win.

"I'll be good." Marti added for good measure.

Casey closed her eyes and set her shoulders. "I'll have to call Truman about it first."

Marti instantly jumped up, throwing herself at Casey. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" She chanted, not staying still for a moment, already halfway out of the room, singing loudly and disjointedly about her and Casey going to the petting zoo.

Casey fell onto her bed with a groan. Truman was not going to like this.

The next day, after a long phone conversation where she had to beg, bribe and threaten Truman into agreeing to letting Marti come with them, Casey was already beginning to regret the decision. As if taking your little step-sister on a date with you wasn't bad enough, said step-sister being dressed in a fluffy, yellow chick costume the whole time had to be the low point of her dating career.

"Please, Marti. You could wear your purple cat T-shirt." Casey tried, keeping the desperation from her tone as much as possible, which wasn't much.

"But there aren't any cats at the petting zoo," Marti replied as if Casey were a small child who'd just said something incredibly stupid. "There are chicks."

"I know, Marti, but-"

"Caseeeey!" Marti sulked. "I wanna wear this! So I can talk to the chicks!"

"You can talk to the chicks anyway, you might even get to hold some." Casey negotiated.

Lizzie snorted disgustedly in the background; she'd already made it quite clear what her feelings were on overexcited children handling small, helpless animals, and they weren't good.

Marti looked thoroughly unimpressed with both of them.

"Case, just let her wear the damn chick costume. You're not going to talk her out of it." Derek said tiredly, hiding his inner glee at his baby sister's performance. "Unless you want to be so late for your date that Truman's forgotten your name when you get there, I'd suggest you get moving."

Casey shot him a glare and muttered 'language' as viciously as she could, but pressed her lips together and grabbed Marti's hand, leading her to the door.

Marti wriggled her hand out of Casey's grip and ran to hug Derek and Lizzie goodbye. "Bye Smerek! Bye Lizzie! Bye everyone!" She shouted loudly, giving Derek a thumbs up sign that Casey couldn't see, before running off out the door, Casey trailing wearily behind her.


	11. Chapter 11

I wasn't actually planning on writing the date, but you all got so excited at the idea that I had to do at least some of it. Only half is described in this chapter, but if you like it then I can do a scene where Casey tells Nora or Lizzie all about it in the next chapter. Let me know :)

Disclaimer: It's not mine. I don't even have joint custody. I'm just taking it out for a weekend.

* * *

"Marti, you have to finish your ice-cream before we see the goats." Casey said firmly.

Marti pouted, melted strawberry and chocolate double scoop running over the hand that held the cone. "What if the goats want ice-cream?"

"We're not allowed to feed the animals. Look it says so on the sign and the brochure." Casey answered as calmly as she was able. They'd spent the first fifteen minutes of the date trying to convince Marti not to run off ahead and get lost, the next half an hour reminding her that she'd agreed not to go further than ten feet from them, and a further fifteen minutes arguing with her over getting ice-cream. By the time Marti led them to the ice-cream counter, they were too mentally exhausted to argue for more than a minute over whether she could have a double scoop. Casey was just getting her second wind and there was no way she was letting them get kicked out for feeding ice-cream to a goat.

"But that's no fair!" Marti protested. "Goats should have ice-cream like everybody else!"

Truman had tried to remain separate, only saying anything when Casey shot him a begging look. Like she was now. He crouched a little in front of Marti. "The goats live here, they probably get lots of ice-cream when everyone's gone home. You wouldn't want to give them tummy ache from too much ice-cream, would you?"

The pout remained for a second until Truman pulled a face and Marti giggled. "Okay."

Casey smiled adoringly. "You are so good with her!"

Truman shrugged and smiled back. "So are you." He leaned in for a kiss.

"All done! Goats now!" Marti shouted, already running past them.

Truman let his head drop as Casey pulled away to go chasing after her step-sister. This was not going how he'd planned.

"So, game plans?" Derek asked, not getting his hopes up too high. He sighed when nobody said anything. "Does anyone at least have _something_ that could help?"

Edwin cleared his throat. "I, um, have a list." He started. "It's a list of observed weaknesses and flaws." He waved a notepad around before Lizzie snatched it from his hand. "Hey!"

"Filling in back tooth, prone to hairline zits, drinks coffee..." Lizzie read aloud.

"Hey, coffee stains your teeth and can be addictive!" Edwin pointed out.

Lizzie shook her head and continued. "Sexist tendencies, yeah, I'll give you that one. Prefers Pepsi to Cola?"

Edwin shrugged.

"Okay, this one might actually be useful," Lizzie said after another few seconds of silent reading, "Flirts with other girls."

Derek scowled. He flirted with other girls when he was in a relationship, didn't mean he'd ever act on it.

"Hands all here who think Truman would or possibly has cheated on Casey?" Lizzie asked, raising her own hand as she spoke.

Every hand in the room rose.

"So we could trap him." Emily said, pulling out a binder from her bag. "We just need to find a girl to seduce him." She flipped through her binder, sighing and muttering 'no' every few seconds.

Derek gave her an odd look as she disappeared into her own little evil matchmaking world. "Okay, so how do we set it up so Casey sees?"

Nora jumped a little in her seat as the idea hit her. "A party!" The others gave her uncomprehending looks until she expanded on her idea. "At a party. They'll be lots of people there and Casey would be distracted enough that Truman would feel secure enough to go for it, but we could make sure she catches them."

"How? We're too young to go to the same parties as Truman and Casey, you and George are too old, Emily would be glued to Casey's side too much to know when anything happened and Casey would _never_ go to a party Derek was going to." Lizzie pointed out.

"She has done before!" Derek protested, while George muttered disconsolately about being 'too old' and Nora patted his arm.

Edwin snorted. "Yeah, and you ended up spilling punch all over her so her shirt went see-through and she left in mortification."

"That was one time!"

"And the time before that you told the whole party she has her underwear drawer organised by colour and label." Lizzie added.

"She does!" He gave a brief thought to just why he'd been looking in Casey's underwear drawer in the first place. In retrospect it was probably ridiculously obvious, but at the time he'd had an excuse. Not that he could even begin to recollect it now.

"I don't think she wanted everyone in her school to know that." Lizzie said dryly.

Derek huffed but let the matter drop.

Emily shut her binder with a dramatic thump and sighed loudly. "Not a single girl in our school who either hasn't dated him, hasn't been rejected by him, doesn't hate him, or dislikes Casey enough to do it."

"Does it have to be someone from your school?" George asked, his voice a little petulant from being left out thus far. "Couldn't it be someone like Sally, or Lucy or-"

"Vicki!" Emily and Nora interrupted simultaneously.

"Honey, you're a genius!" Nora planted a kiss on George's lips, ignoring the disgusted expressions on their children's faces.

"All we'd have to do was let her loose around Truman and she'd do the rest herself! We wouldn't even have to tell her anything!" Lizzie exclaimed triumphantly.

Nora nodded but looked a little uncertain. "Just because she's done it before, doesn't mean she'll do it again."

Emily shook her head emphatically. "No, she will! She hasn't just done it before, she's done it with every guy Casey ever liked in Toronto. It's like she has a radar for it or something." She paused. "At least that's what Casey said, though she's probably exaggerating a little. Vicki's done it more than once, at any rate."

"Vicki it is." Lizzie nodded to Edwin to write it on the presentation board the two had insisted on having up for the meeting. "Now to just figure out how to get them caught and get Vicki down from Toronto."

"Could we..." Nora stopped and looked at George as if he could read her mind and tell her if her thought had any merit.

"What?" Derek asked.

"I don't know Nora, it's a long way." George said.

"What?!" Derek demanded.

Nora turned back to them. "Well, if Vicki is going to be the bait and Truman used to live in Toronto..."

"And Casey would need driving there..." George continued.

"You are making no sense! What the hell are you talking about?!" Derek pulled at his hair a little in frustration.

"Language." Nora glared. "We were thinking that as Casey, Truman and Vicki all knew people in Toronto that maybe two or all three of them might know someone there who's throwing a party. And as it's so far away and would be so late, we'd want someone to drive her-"

"Truman has a car." Derek pointed out.

"I don't want my daughter driving alone with him at night all the way to Toronto, and I don't think she'd disagree with my reasoning." Nora stated.

"And Derek has a car, fits right in at parties, could make sure Truman and Vicki get caught..." George suggested.

"Right." Nora smiled at him for getting her reasoning.

Edwin shook his head.

"What?" Nora asked.

"Nothing. I just never would have put you two down for devious schemers." Edwin replied.

Nora and George grinned. "You guys had to get it from somewhere."

Two hours later the door opened and slammed violently and Marti ran by to the kitchen, babbling about getting a glass on lemonade. Nora got up to assist before the kitchen was covered in sticky spillage.

Casey halted at the bottom of the stairs, pointing at the assembled family members (Emily had gone home so they wouldn't get caught plotting) and breathing harshly. "That-that _thing_ is a monster!" She said, barely able to force words past her clenched teeth. "Venturi's are demon offspring and should be sterilized before they can reproduce!" With that she turned at stomped up the stairs.

They waited until they heard her bedroom door slam to exchange high fives.


	12. Chapter 12

Really sorry I didn't update sooner, though it's happening so much lately that you should probably just take it as read that I'm sorry.

To the reviewer who commented about copyright, it doesn't really work like that. I never claimed that the situation was of my imagination, I just expanded on an existing storyline to make my own story (with characters who aren't mine) work. I don't claim ownership of the characters or show and I make no money from this. And that should do as my disclaimer for this chapter I think.

* * *

Both Derek and Nora used their contacts (Nora's relatives and Derek's ridiculously long chain of six degree acquaintances) to try to find a party that fit the criteria (location, no or little adult supervision and at least one person going who knew Vicki or Truman) but there was nothing for at least the next few weeks. That left them at a frustrated impasse.

Derek went about school with a ready glower at anyone that mentioned or even reminded him of Casey and Truman or his own love declaration. If he hadn't long been established as the guy who could do absolutely anything and still be the height of popularity then he would have suffered an unrecoverable loss to his social circle. As it was the only consequence of his bad mood was a group of giggling girls who decided that brooding was a good look on him and took to staring at him the entire time he was at school. One of them even risked a detention to sneak into the boys bathroom and continue their creepy stalking.

At least it gave him some distraction from Casey and Truman, though. At home it was all he could think about. From the impromptu family meetings, to the overheard phone conversations and hyper preparations for dates. He had to give Truman that, he saw and talked to Casey enough that even she couldn't complain. And she was a queen of neediness; yet another reason Derek wondered why he was even bothering with this as he couldn't stand clingy girls. But then he'd see her dressed up for her date, hair all awry from her rushing and doing and redoing her hair so many times she had to ask Nora to help her fix it and he just wanted to be able to make a teasing comment and kiss the pout off her lips.

The yo-yo of 'worst girl ever' and 'best girl ever' in his mind was exhausting.

It was the day after the weird, creepy girl with the nasal giggle had followed him into the bathroom that he got desperate. He needed help, and not more help getting Casey away from Truman. Help dealing with the clashing images of his ridiculous step-sister in his head before it drove him insane.

He went to Paul.

Luckily, after all the screaming she'd done about it in the past Derek recognised the days that Casey would break and drop in to her counselor for a random session, meaning it was with relative certainty of safety that he walked past Paul's open office door. Ten times.

On the eleventh, Paul called out, tone more than a little amused. "Derek, step in here for a moment."

Derek did as he was asked. "Yeah?"

"Can I help you with something?"

Derek shrugged.

"It's just you, err, look like you have something on your mind." Paul carefully avoided mentioning Derek's walking back and forth. No wonder Casey liked him.

Derek sat down and leaned forward a little. "Well, I guess you could say that. It's... about this friend."

Paul rolled his eyes but nodded for him to continue.

"He has... feelings for someone that are kinda confusing."

"Ah, yes, Casey told me about your little outburst." The corners of Paul's mouth turned up a little, but not enough for Derek to feel mocked. "So, what's confusing about these feelings?"

"Is it possible to love someone when you don't even like them?" Derek jumped to the point. Paul already knew what this was about.

"Of course." Paul answered straight away. "But that tends to be more familial love where a bond is formed without having to have an initial attraction to someone and I'm assuming you're talking about a more romantic kind of love?"

Derek nodded.

"Is it total dislike or are there things that your friend still likes about the person in question?" The counselor asked, not even letting any emphasis linger on the 'your friend' part.

"It's... A partial dislike. He dislikes her in general, but there are a few things he likes, I guess." Derek scratched at his face to hide his discomfort.

"Such as?"

"Well, she's smart, in a really keener kind of a way, but every now and then she can be devious. Like my level devious, full on schemes of world domination at times. And she's really goofy, but it's like all that fluffy girly stuff is hiding smirks and sarcastic comments that nobody but me, I mean he, gets to see most of the time." He paused, wondering whether to just give up on the whole 'friend' thing. It wasn't really serving any purpose but to make him look incredibly stupid.

"Go on." Paul said after a moment's silence.

"And she has this whole humanitarian 'see the good in everyone' attitude that never applies to me. Like I'm the exception."

Paul took the swap from 'he' to 'me' without blinking.

Derek continued. "And it should make me hate her, but really it just makes me think maybe being an exception isn't so bad. Like I'm special or something stupid like that. And sure, she's way over the top on her feminist issues, but she's also insane at Babe Raider and she was a pretty kick ass cheerleader. She does the 'respect me' thing but it doesn't stop her wearing short skirts or pink hairclips. She can get publically humiliated a dozen times and she'll still come back for more, wearing away at people with her stupid preppyness until they like her. And she never, ever, backs down from a challenge." He grins at that one. "We can have fights that last days or even weeks because neither of us will lose, no matter how pointless the competition is. And-"

"I think I get the point." Paul interrupted, his eyes the only thing giving away his desire to laugh. "It certainly sounds like love, but without being the one to feel it I can never really be sure. It's most definitely a strong possibility though."

"But could I really be happy being with someone like that? She's just so damn...Cheery and dorky." Derek moved to his next point. He'd already known how he felt, he just needed to know it didn't make him insane. Now he needed to work out whether being with Casey was really such a good idea.

"But she's also devious and smart." Paul repeated his earlier description.

"Well, yeah, but that just makes her fun as a nemesis. Could it really work as something more... Amicable?"

"Why does it need to be amicable?"

"Because, you shouldn't be fighting with your girlfriend all the time. Sometimes, sure, but it shouldn't be the basis of a relationship." And god did he feel like throwing up after using that word.

"Do you enjoy fighting with her?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"And she with you?"

"I think so."

"And it never leads to violence?"

"What exactly are you criteria for violence?"

"Do either of you get physically harmed?"

"No, not really."

"How about emotionally, do you hurt each other emotionally?"

"Well sometimes it stings a little at the time, but it doesn't tend to last."

Paul smiled. "Then why can't it be the basis of your relationship? So long as neither one of you is actually hurt then it isn't really like fighting. Not the kind to be worried about anyway. You sound like two very passionate people who find an outlet in each other that you don't have anywhere else. If anything that actually sounds like a comparatively healthy relationship."

Derek took a deep breath. "That doesn't actually sound all that crazy."

"Thank you."

"Now if you could just tell her all that about outlets and it being healthy and all that would be great." Derek half joked.

Paul's eyes went soft and Derek looked away. "Derek, she'll come around in time. She's just as confused as I imagine you were when you first realized how you felt, only she has the added fear that all of this is some kind of trick. It wouldn't be the first time you've played mind games with her and she doesn't want to leave herself open to that kind of hurt. Be patient. She'll get there."

Derek nodded. "Thanks." He stood up to leave. "And if you ever tell Casey that I was here then I will personally see to it that your life is a living hell."

"You're welcome."


End file.
